for.words.left.unspoken

.Thursday, August 5, 2010 ' 10:29 PM Y

since my last update, many interesting things happened in my life. From normal school days, to now, im heading towards internship real soon. However, im not happy with it at all, despite i know, everything might be slightly better than my current school life. but well, thats life. there is definitely hellos and goodbyes.

i came upon this song, and i was depressed and dead, somehow. I couldnt stop myself from doing that, still, i just couldnt stop. i start to ponder about many things that really happened. this time round, i really did think about it. trust me. all these while, i thought, there is still something for me to hold on, to like about. however at times, i wonder, if that is a naive thought of mine. or should there be a slightest chance of me to think that its just paranoidity. i dont know, and i do not know where my answers are. Or shall i say, there is a answer in my heart which i refuse to look at it.

after all these while, in times of saddness, and happiness, i treasured every moments spent, and moments that i startled at and contemplated about it. the problem lies deep beneath the word friendship. where does love stand at when there is the word friendship. yes, friends whom you known for decades will definitely worth more than love. and i do second that! however, with those that you knew not that long, where should it be placed? yes im selfish, im narrow minded. however, in terms of that, is building rapport there more important? is there a need for 100% atttendance for everything? probably, that is something i do not know, and might not be able to know. because im a girl. there is always danger around me. if equal treatment is what i ask for, i believe things wont last till now.

what i would really ask for is just pure simple care and concern. i once read a story/something, stating that, once habit sets in a relationship, there is a need for certain amount of spices being added into it. i will do so, and trying hard to get it spicer one after the other. i made a move, however, not much steps were taken as a return. however, i do not give up and i continued to give more. at times, i wonder, does it worth it after all? i answered myself every time, and i said yes. love is about sarcrifying. however, how long can i be able to withstand such an unselfish sarcrifying?

i hope when im sick, there is someone who will be taking care of me, with love and care that is different from family. however, for some reasons, i was awoken by nightmare. nightmare which frightens me to fall sick. because i fear and worry that no one will be there for me. yes i do agree that i think so much, when my family is there. So come to think about it, am i expecting too much or have i fallen too deep to the state that now, i always need someone to be there for me. i started to fear, i fear i lost that independent attitude that i once used to have.

maybe a simple yet sweet concern may come in handy, and that is what i always prayed at 11.11, and i hope for. and nothing much, nothing else. beside having great results and beautiful me.

well. i dont know how much destruction this post might give me, however, i finally felt relieved. when happy moments come, i should let go everything and enjoy the moments. and each happy night i prayed, such moments please dont end.

what shu uemura had thought me, water brings away bad toxic in our body. so do our tears, it brings away our bad emotions.

berlyn

Life still goes on