for.words.left.unspoken

.Wednesday, December 29, 2010 ' 9:25 PM Y

You told me that our love would keep marching on
You told me that our love was mighty strong
and yes i believed you cause you are my baby
Why would i doubt you when you said you love me
But i didnt know you were the enemy

The only one who made me cry , Is you
and the only one i had to fight , is you
And it was you who told me

He said i will never have to fight again
he said i will never have to cry again
He say , been to the battle field and my heart
is safe with him
All my trust i'll give it to him
So i guess i fell in love with a toy soldier

You Told me that you'll take care of me , You lied You Lied
you Told me that you was the best for me , You lied You lied
Cause you came up empty
i feel like you tricked me

I let down my guard cause you were my guard
But Who protects me Now
Cause i gave you my heart
Then You tore it apart Oh You Let me Down

Toy Soldier by Keri Hilson.

Whenever i listen to this song, i feel sad. Memories flashed back, mostly bad. although i got over everything, somehow this song, makes me think and feel, how ive been cheated on, torn apart and hurt. As a girl, this is something too big to handle. LIttle did i know, the person who i love and trust the most, "purposely" hurt me, so deeply,so badly. why would such people exists? seriously, this is a joke.

Yes, i suffered but luckily everything comes to an end. Like what i told my friends, at that time, mentally and maybe in my heart, i want him back. however, my actions did not follow what i want. Its a mind over heart kind of thing. I dont know why. maybe i was so disappointed upon his actions at that point in time. Maybe he has that someone else already(she must be a sight to see). thats why he ignored my "nudges". and other possible reason on why my mental and actions dont tally .... is those thoughts that has been haunting me; the fights, quarrels & those moments i cried/worried/sad etc. Oh well. Maybe he don't really need my love, Not the way I needed his.

Gladly im strong. Strong enough to even say hello and introduce myself to his gf if i happen to see them on the road, again. Yes, i saw them last week. i wanted to go over and say hi. however, my friends stopped me from doing so. no joke. they stopped me, if not, ill approach them with no threats or hidden agenda. i have to say, she is a plain jane, but with skinny body that i longed for. thats what i want from her, and nothing else.

well. its approaching 2011 soon, in just a few days. So my new new year resolution is...... slim down. damnit. forever the same. however, my target is to shed as many kilo as possible before march. ill be going bangkok and phuket. so please..berlyn aw......control!!!! sometime i seriously wanna curse and swear myself so that i can be discipline enough to do what i suppose to do and that is to stick to my resolution. Like how i resist the temptation to .....

Love
Berlyn Baoying

Just when things were changing for the better,
You became a different man.

You let me down, you really let me down.

Life still goes on