for.words.left.unspoken

.Monday, February 28, 2011 ' 2:57 PM Y

Those days, friends forever?

flipping through the booklet that you guys made for me, my heart ached and tears swelled up in my eyes. little did i know, i miss you guys so much. despite the fact that i act tough and be ignorant, saying, ill be living just fine without you all. how true? oh well. it seems like its not true at all.

reading all the messages each of you wrote, my tears, lost its control and strength, crossed down my cheeks. why would things turned out like this?

thinking all the things we went through, both thick and thin. we can meet each other for 24/7, however, i havent been seeing you guys for like almost a year? or even more than that. what is this? even by typing out this post, i feel that heartache in me and i cant resist myself from... tearing. you can say im dramatic, or crazy, but tears wash away my bad emotion. as such i can lead the other half of my day, feeling much better. but are they worth enough for me to be feeling like this? actually, i have an answer in me, however, i just dont feel like facing it. as what they did still hurts me,badly.

its up to me now, to do the first move. shall i? even if i should, what shall i say or do? i dislike that awkward silence if we meet up. im sure there gonna be such a weird silence. and i hate it!!! i dont know what to do.

some of my secondary friends asked me to go for her birthday party in april. and they will help us to be back, to those friends forever days. but do i need to wait till april? i dont like things to be handled this way. the more i drag, the more i dont think the issue is "important". you know, the sense of urgency fades over time. on top of that, i dont like things to be dragged. since we can settle it asap, why not. however, one party has to make the first move.

sigh.. now, i regretted for not texting them yesterday. as now, i cant find the courage to do so. sigh.

and i kept that beautifully designed book. i do not want to have that intention to peep into that book again. it hurts. sigh. can someone understand me? and talk to me? mentally, i feel so helpless, so vulnerable and lonely.

oh well. so far, i havent show that book to anyone else. someday, when im strong enough, ill post it up or rather one day, i will be able to look at that book, with love and tears free.

welcome to my silly life.

xoxo

Life still goes on