for.words.left.unspoken

.Monday, June 13, 2011 ' 11:35 AM Y

Oh Man.

Tell me what do you want me to do now, and say it straight in to my face. i would greatly appreciate this. We shouldnt beat around the bush, and have so many or rather those people involved. Why? i dont understand, and i think i would never understand it. Common friends... so much about it. speechless.

And to be honest, i swear i will not get myself involve in such shitty situation again. i still prefer those old man of mine. the way they handle things are so much different and eventhough there is still some bullshits in my ex, we settle things clearly and firmly. Once said, and its done. enough is enough - thats his favourite phrase by the way. Thank god that i still remember it. And those almost lovers of mine. They all taught me things that i can never get it from the books. Books are filled with dead facts;facts that everybody else know about it.

so now, ALL of us are trapped in somewhere we dont even know where we are. I bet you are not happy at all. to have friends involved, and nothing is solved! ignorance is bliss? think again. Stop giving me heart attack here and there. i cant take it. Cause we didnt see this coming. we were hoping something else happened instead. But little did we know, that many people were involved in all this. actually its not that many(just a few). but things/news multiply. people bitch, and trust me on that.

im not trying to push all the blame onto you. i wanna make my stand clear, i am not! i believe i am all to be blamed; blame me for not making myself clear enough after i contemplate much and think that, well. this cant work it out. blame me for not taking your feelings into consideration. blame me for walking away without telling you things clearly. Oh fuck. just blame everything onto me. i know i am strong enough to bear everything. just leave the rest alone. cause someone is starting to judge. i hate those stares when * looked into my eyes, and yet, gave me a smile. Those chills went down to my spine.and you can say im exaggerating it, but i can feel it to my hair, to my toes, and even to my lifeless nails. sighhh.

i know things will change, and i just do not know how long. it depends on the maturity levels.

oh well. i think i have to "leave" the scene for sometime, and so, things can be all new again. You dont need to leave, cause ill disappear for your sake. and his too. i feel so bad to get him involved, somehow or rather. sorry dear, to get you being judged together with me. i feel soooo lousy. sigh.

i just need my sleep now and ill be alright for the next day. gonna occupied myself with alot of things, and do not want to talk to anybody else. so people, see you on friday, if i get to see you there. love you.

Dont avoid me. cause it will not heal you, mentally. Deep down, You know who is the best person you can talk to.

Neither do i have the mood nor the strength to smile now.

aby

Life still goes on